Ben Shoemate's Notebook

Is fake-Twittering the new fan fiction? We think so! It’s pithy, witty, and boundless in possibilities. Lately it seems like these micro-compositions are omnipresent: Pretty much every Battlestar Galactica, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Batman character has a feed. But we’ve come to learn that some imitations are more potent than others. We've got 10 fab fauxs you need in your life, in no particular order.

Michael Bay
The Transformers director offers egomaniacal musings on vegan grub, explosives, and beach volleyball. What’s not to love?
Soundbite: “Right now, I am combing my hair. Holy hell it's a breathtaking mane.”

William Shatner
Apparently the real Shat has started his own official Twitter feed, but we’ll always have a soft spot for his original, macho imitator.
Soundbite: “Khhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannn!!!!! There. I said it. Happy?”

Captain Picard
Ooooh, it’s on! At the risk of mixing metaphors, thus far fake Jean-Luc Picard has secured the lead over fake former James T. Kirk in the wackadoodle division.
Soundbite: “Captain’s Log: Did Horatio Hornblower ever have to put up with this?”

Dr. Walter Bishop
The brilliant/nutty doc from Fringe makes for bountiful fodder for satire in this more-creepy-than-deadpan offering.
Soundbite: "When given the option I prefer human test subjects as opposed to animals, simply because humans can better describe the type of pain."

Darth Vader
Or as he’s come to be known: nerd comedy gold
Soundbite: “Just realized I could totaly [sic] go SCUBA diving right now if I wanted to, no special equipment needed. It’s good to be me.”

Bad Horse
The Evil League of Evil leader riffs on villainy and reveals that he's a gadget hound.
Soundbite: “Developing a new superweapon; gathering ingredients. Wondering if I should make this hoof-triggered or telepathically controlled. Decisions.” (Meanwhile, we’re eagerly waiting for his spitfire take on Harry Potter’s provocative turn in Broadway's Equus.)

David Hasselhoff
Oh, ex-Knight Rider. Why are you so easy to make fun of?
Soundbite: “Deciding which leather jacket to wear.”

Aquaman
The curious trials and tribulations of superherodom’s most muscular swimmer gets immortalized. In yo’ face, Michael Phelps.
Soundbite: “Emergency over. Making some crab salad.”

Buffy Summers
The one-liners don’t even come near to rivaling Joss Whedon’s clever TV (or comic-book) scripting, but for sentimentality’s sake—and a quick Slayer fix—this will do.
Soundbite: “Ok. Seriously: Nigerian Masks and Hawaiian Tiki dolls are never a good thing to bring into the house.”

Zombie Attack
Which zombie attack? Well, any of them. Here, the walking-dead genre is imagined in a rather gripping play by play.
Soundbite: “I grab Greg and tear him away from the body. We run towards the exit as he tries to wipe the blood from his face.”